Water Within Us
by WateryStone
Summary: It was wrong. It felt right. They were sorry. They were happy. It was the affair that neither of them wanted to have, but both of them needed to have... [AthrunXCagalli] [Finally updated! Chapter 2 up!]
1. Convergence

_Only note, is to pay close attention to the capitalization of "He", "She", "Him", "Her", "They" and "Them", if they're capitalized in the middle of a sentence. In general, "She, and Her" will refer to Athrun's wife. "He and Him" will refer to Cagalli's husband. I capitalized them very specifically, so it's not a typo. You should be able to tell, but if it's confusing, then please tell me._

* * *

Athrun sat up in his bed, shakily aware of his surroundings. Studying the empty room for a moment, he took a deep breath then flipped off the covers to head over to the bathroom. The room was still dark, but the window curtains were open. A beam of moonlight scanned across the room, illuminating his face with a pale glow, before disappearing again.

Finally reaching the sink, he turned on the cold water tap and let it run for a moment, before splashing water onto his face. Gazing into the mirror, he sighed. Droplets of water trickled down his face, converging at the tip of his chin then finally falling down onto the cool marble counter.

What was he doing here?... He was recently married. Only half a year had gone by, since he'd finally tied the knot with the woman he loved more than life itself. Yet work was hard on him, and he found himself frequently away on trips like this. Away from Her.

She wasn't fussy, nor did She complain. In some ways that made it harder on him, and he would have preferred it if She complained, or protested his frequent absences. But She understood, that he was simply trying to make a good life for Her, and to do that, required that he work very hard for Her. It was all for Her. She was so selfless. She always bade him goodbye with a smile, and un-fallen tears. Someday, he always promised, someday he wouldn't have to be away anymore.

Yet undoubtedly, there were occasional glances that he caught where it looked like there was an unspeakable sadness in Her eyes. They made him feel awful, but he loved those glances. He felt even more awful that he loved them... but they assured him that She cared.

Turning off the tap, and watching a few more drops of water drip out of the stainless steel spout, he returned to bed with a long sigh. His thoughts felt clearer... yet somehow more heavy. Back in the bathroom, the tap continued to drip. There was a leak.

* * *

Cagalli lay in bed, staring at the ceiling above her. At home there was a skylight where her bed was, so she could always look up at the stars. He had it put there, just for her, because He knew how much she loved looking at them every night, before drifting off to sleep.

He knew everything about her; He was an encyclopedia on her. Sometimes if she forgot herself, He would find her, and tell her who she was. She lived off Him. She would do anything for Him.

Even stay away from Him... Because the company was important, and He trusted only her with big company matters. If He said that He wanted her to go somewhere and seal a deal, she'd be on the next plane. She understood Him as well. She loved Him so much...

She heard the rain start outside, a slow and steady tempo. It rained at the worst times for her, so she could cry and blame it on the rain. The water was her mask. The tears were not her own.

Turning over and closing her eyes, trying to fool her mind into thinking that if she rolled over again she'd be looking at stars, she sighed. She would be home soon, just in a few days. Just a few more days...

Outside, the rain continued.

* * *

The morning air was cool and refreshing to travel in. Athrun boarded his limo, and was taken to a large building; The local branch of the company he was doing business with. As far as he knew, this was a big deal for them too, so he expected nothing less from them than the highest accommodations.

Stepping out of the limo, he surveyed his surroundings. Another limo pulled up behind his, and a blonde woman stepped out, doing the same as him before catching a hold of his gaze. She smiled, a gentle and peaceful smile. There was some other hidden emotion in her eyes, that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Perhaps it was the distance between them. Perhaps she hid it too well.

Cagalli approached him slowly, extending her hand. He accepted it mechanically.

"Cagalli Athha. Pleasure to meet you."

"Athrun Zala. The pleasure is mine."

His eyes looked into hers, searchingly. Her gaze fell to the direction of the door.

"Shall we?" She suggested. He nodded and released her hand from his grip.

* * *

"Let's get down to business… These are the contracts that our lawyers drew up. Does everything look good to you?" Athrun started, handing a hefty stack of paper to her. Cagalli began to read through them diligently, carefully checking for any loopholes.

"Everything looks okay…" She started, "Of course my signature will mean little more than a temporary agreement. I'll bring this back for review and then we'll consider extending the contract."

Athrun nodded. "Of course." The woman was intelligence, and professional yet somehow friendly at the same time. The perfect business woman really, except for the fact that there seemed to be something hidden beneath the layers of perfection she covered herself with. Strangely enough, that imperfection captivated him. He had never wanted to find something so desperately in his entire life…

Cagalli felt a bit uncomfortable under his gaze, and shifted slightly. He was gazing at her with such intensity, she could almost feel the masks of false personality come off of her. it was unsettling, yet relieving, as if a burden was being taken off of her. A slightly familiar feelings, not unlike the one you experience when you've just come home after a long day at work. Of course that was insane… she didn't even know this guy.

"Done?" He smiled. She nodded and began to pack up.

"Pleasure doing business with you."

* * *

The aura surrounding her was comforting. They could be good friends. They knew so little about each other, yet everything they knew was a similarity. They both did business. And finally… they both felt so comfortable around each other, that it disturbed them how comfortable they were. Finally, the issue that had been at the tip of both of their tongues rolled off.

"I'm married." Cagalli smiled weakly. Saying that had never been so hard.

"So am I." Athrun responded, swallowing the protest in his throat.

"-To the owner of my company..." She finished, nothing the discomfort on his face.

"That I'm not." He responded with a laugh.

"I love Him." She added, not sure why she felt she had to.

"And I love Her." He replied, to himself as much as her.

They were sitting at the hotel bar, kicking back double martinis and a little more than buzzed. His was the room beside hers, much to their amazement. But business was routine. It was done. They'd both be going back soon.

"Do you smoke?" Cagalli asked, taking out a pack of cigarettes.

"No." Athrun responded. "My wife hates it, so I quit."

She smiled in irony. "Same here." She informed him. He looked puzzled. "I just carry cigarettes with me, so that if someone does want one I have them." She admitted sheepishly.

He joined her in smiling. Such an interesting, but different person. She changed his perspective in a way that made him happy… But he couldn't really understand how.

* * *

The next day neither of them left. Cagalli indulged in the hotel's day spa. Athrun tried to contact an old friend in the city. They could have gone back, but neither felt like it.

They met again, at the hotel bar. They talked for hours, about anything that came up. She said goodbye four times, but started talking about something else and stayed for another two hours, then said goodbye again. Athrun could only laugh at the energy she had in her. He was so easy to talk to. She was wonderful to listen to.

Cagalli even talked about Him to Athrun. Athrun even talked about Her. They both agreed that She and He sounded like wonderful people. It'd be nice to meet Them sometime. Both were lucky to have Them.

When she finally said goodbye, he noticed the time and agreed that he should be getting to bed as well... Athrun noted that he'd have to give Her a call, just to hear Her voice. Cagalli nodded, remarking that she'd give Him a call too, to tell Him that she'd be coming back soon. Business was over.

They didn't want to leave...

They were like two streams, converging into one. The water within each rolled and tumbled towards each other, until they crashed into each other, swirling and mixing together.

A calmer stream was formed. They bathed in its comfort.

A raging river emerged. It crushed their worlds as they knew them.

* * *

"Hello?" Cagalli started, holding back the crack in her voice.

"Hi... Honey, are you okay? You sound upset." He answered, with care in His voice.

Overwhelming emotion snowballed into her heart. This was Him. She could tell Him anything. "I'm okay... A little shaken."

"That's okay... Is everything alright? Will you be back soon?" He asked with anticipation.

"It's..." She took a breath. Now it was time to give him the good news and head back to His side… Biting her lip, she finished her sentence. Her words sounded foreign to her own ears, as if she had left her own body. She was saying them without hearing what she was saying. She was speaking without thinking. Something else made the words fall out of her mouth, and she couldn't bring herself to catch them.

The rain outside hadn't started yet. It was pouring in her heart.

* * *

"It's... not going so well. I'm going to stay out here a few more days." Athrun finished, not sure why he lied. He'd just called his company, telling them the same thing. Now he was tell Her why he wouldn't be back this weekend. She understood, as always. She wished him a safe trip back, and to call her as soon as possible.

He looked up, finding a knock on the door. Not the one leading into the hallway, but the one that led to the other room. Carefully approaching it, he opened it slowly.

Cagalli was there, fidgeting with her fingernails, and looking at the ornately designed carpet. Athrun studied her for a moment.

"...I don't like this carpet very much." She started. "I like solid colors more."

He wrapped her in his arms and held her to him tightly. She choked on her next words.

"I love Him. Really..."

Athrun held her tighter. "I love Her too..."

"I don't believe in love at first sight." Cagalli said, as if it were a warning.

"How about attraction after a couple drinks, and two long nights of conversation?" Athrun chuckled. Cagalli laughed at this.

"I don't think I'm ready to leave yet… I want to get to know you more." She admitted.

"I'm staying out here for a few more days..." He started. She nodded.

"Me too. I like this city... I want to see more." Cagalli agreed, adding a lame excuse.

"No one knows you out here, right?" Athrun checked.

Cagalli nodded. "We can see the city together..."

He smiled, and pulled her into his room. She effortlessly followed.

Their heads were in denial, lecturing them on the immorality of their actions. Their thoughts were silenced by each other's touches. The slightest space in-between them seemed unbearable. They both thought of stopping, but never did.

The tap had stopped leaking. The rain had stopped pouring. It was the morning after the rain now: It was crisp, moist air. The refreshing space around them.

That night had never happened... It stayed in their memories forever.

* * *

**Next Chapter:**

_"I gave Him my heart already, so what am I giving you?"_

_"Right now, I have you. And that's all I'll ever ask."_

**I've never really tried anything like this before, so please tell me what you think. If anything doesn't make sense, please say so.**

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Refuge

**POV will switch back and forth in this chapter, but it will be obvious who's speaking.  
**

* * *

I can remember it so clearly... the first thing that had made me notice her.

It wasn't her getting out of the limo... nor even the distant reflection in her eyes. The instant, the single action that had completely entrapped me to her presence was when we were at the bar...

Still getting to know each other. We each had maybe had or 3 drinks in us already, but I guess we were both pretty good at holding our alcohol since we were both clear headed. If anything the alcohol helped clear the dust from my head, rather than fog it up.

Talking to each other casually, not exposing any secrets. Just the usual chatter for a stranger at the bar. Where you're from, whether or not you're single, and of course, whether or not that even matters to you.

I had told her I was married. She smiled.

"Do you love her?"

My face mirrored hers. "It was an arranged marriage."

It was the answer I always gave. It was short, and satisfied people. They always just assumed "Oh. Arranged. That means for practical or business purposes..." I never had to say anything more than this... It had become an automated answer for me. I looked up from my drink to find her staring at me, expecting me to finish.

"That doesn't answer my question."

There. That did it. That was the moment she captivated me. Her eyes told me everything. She knew that what I said answered nothing, but on the contrary, opened up the doors to a thousand more questions. Did I fall in love with her later then? did I fall in love with her during the engagement? Did I fall in love at all? Arranged didn't mean forced, or willing. It meant nothing but how the marriage came to be. The emotions underlying it remained untouched by that answer...

I suddenly felt a jolt of some emotion. Shock that she had caught it? Happy that someone had realized my false answer? Or perhaps... fear of what this meant to me at all...

I smiled faintly again. "No. You're right. It doesn't."

Her gaze never left me. "So?..."

"Yes." I confessed, in a more weary tone than I intended. "Yes. I do love her. Very much."

We kept reminding each other of it later in the conversation... as if should we ever stop telling each other and ourselves that, the world might shatter. We might do something terrible...

It happened anyways.

* * *

The moment she surprised me was soon to follow. I woke up, the morning after to find her sleeping peacefully in my bed. I felt the heavy weight of guilt press down on me. At the same time, I felt another burden break off me... That haunting longing I had always felt around her was gone. 

I loved her. My Wife. There could be no denial in that fact.

But what I felt towards this blond woman currently sprawled across my bed was an entirely different story. Because I didn't know what I felt. There was longing for a feeling of completeness within me now. I had never felt anything missing before, but it was as if the moment her bright amber eyes entered my eyes, they shone a light, revealing a missing piece to my heart.

I needed her. I was sure of it.

She was that missing piece.

She woke up shortly after, rising softly, then stretching a bit. She looked at me a moment, as if recollecting her thoughts about the event that had occurred. I could see the same guilt that was resting on my shoulder slowly lower itself onto her gentle frame.

She looked up and smiled. "You love her of course."

That was the surprise.

Usually, no one would ever think that any man who truly loved his wife would do what I had just done. If anything, she'd be bursting with accusations... Yet she knew.

I nodded.

Another smile. "It's a unique type of guilt. It's not just the guilt of betraying someone and potentially causing them pain, like a husband who has found someone he loves more would have. But it's not a deep regret either. It's just... a great, great burden."

Her right index finger was tracing circular patterns in the bedsheets. I walked towards her a bit and she looked up.

"I carry the same feeling now. I recognize it, like a mirror. I don't regret what I've done; I don't wish it never happened. At the same time, I feel bad about it. I feel bad that I did it, but given the choice now, I'd do it again."

I was at a loss of words. The feeling I could never describe, was being pinpointed by her. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her and sighed. After a long time, I dared to open my mouth. "I don't feel quite human."

"Deserving?"

"Neither."

A pause.

"Let's go do something. Eat breakfast, tour the city, anything. We need to get out of this room."

I stood up in agreement.

* * *

"When I'm with you I feel like I'm suffocating." He told me bluntly, after a half hour of silence, interrupted only by the waitress coming to check on them.

I didn't feel sad, or regretful. Perhaps I was caught up in my own feelings, because I realized that I felt kind of like I was drowning too. But it wasn't the feeling of drowning, where you're struggling with all your might and you're still getting pulled under. It was as if he was an ocean, and I was just falling into him, slowly letting myself get consumed by his presence.

I closed my eyes.

"Cagalli?" He called my name softly, as if regretting what he had just said, afraid that he had hurt me.

"You're drowning me too." I replied, opening my eyes to look at him intently. His emerald eyes widened for a moment, before smiling a bit.

"If you ever need air, just tell me."

I considered his words a moment, and shook my head. "I don't need air when I'm with you. I want to breathe the water."

* * *

We went for a walk later, just strolling down the street. I didn't hold his hand, and he didn't make an effort to put him arm around me. It was just like a pleasant walk between friends. We spent the day like that, feeling no pressure to confront the events of last night.

He would tease me for tripping on some random thing on the street, I would get annoyed, and he would laugh. Suddenly, I wouldn't feel so annoyed, and I would smile too.

I loved the way I could make him laugh.

Seeing him smiled was like watching light snow fall. Beautiful and gentle. I could reach out and touch it, but it still felt so far away.

We decided today would be the last day. Perhaps a few more days together was too much. I didn't want to worry my husband.

And maybe this way... we could pretend Last night was just One night.

Even if we needed each other. Despite our feelings, it wasn't right. Our level headed business instinct kicked in. This was mixing business with a dangerous amount of pleasure.

Before I knew it, it was night time already, and we were back at the hotel. We went up to our floor, and both pretended to be separate, entering our own rooms. Moments later, I heard a knock on the connecting door. I opened it and slid into his room again, promptly wrapped into his arms.

It was as if, upon returning to the scene of the crime we realized that denial was stupid.

I felt him bury his face in my hair, comfortably nestling his head in the crook between my neck and shoulder. I smiled, leaning my head into the touch, folding into the embrace.

"We're going to feel guilty anyways. Let's at least breathe happily while we're horrible."

I smiled, watching my vision blur with tears that fell like pearls into his shoulder. "But it's not horrible. It doesn't feel that way."

* * *

The two of them stood there for what felt like minutes, what was much longer. Gradually Athrun lifted his head, and brought her face to his with his right hand, smiling at the action. As his lips descended onto hers, Cagalli felt something inside her break... The restraint of her guilt.

She was drowning... slipping well beneath the calm surface of the water. But she could breathe down here, where it was nice and cool.

They both knew, last night was not one-night.

It was a beginning.

His hold on her tightened, as he shifted slightly, both of them moving towards the bed. He collapsed on top of her, and she stared at his gentle face.

"Right now, more than anything..." He murmured between two passionate kisses. "More than anything..." he grinned, their lips apparently still unwilling to separate long enough for him to finish his sentence. Finally, he stole a quick moment... "I want to be selfish. May we be happy?"

Cagalli lifted her head and buried it into shoulder, inhaling his scent. This was what she was drowning in. This was her wonderful opiate.

Athrun smiled, understanding her answer. By the rules, they shouldn't. But they still could... She was his air. A thick air, that engulfed him, but still air. He couldn't live without air.

They were happy.

"I used to think I was complete already. I had a stable job, was married to a amazing person..."

"Is there room for me in your world?" He asked, holding her hand tightly, bringing her closer to him with other arm, which was wrapped securely around her waist. Neither person seemed to be aware of the total lack of clothing between them already.

"I gave Him my heart already, so what am I giving you?" She gazed sadly at his face, as if worried that what she was doing would shatter him.

"Right now, I have you. And that's all I'll ever ask."

Slowly, a smile spread over her face. "Please..." She whispered hoarsely, reaching out to clasp his hand...

"Make me whole."

* * *

**Next Chapter:**

_"... You know what I'm going to say Athrun. You can't expect me to feel good about this."_

_"I know. It probably would have been better if I didn't tell anyone, but I wanted to. Because it feels like something is changing now... between me and her. And I'm worried that it might change more..."_


End file.
